You didn't ask me, but I'll tell you still - I hate lies. Of all kinds: the ones that come out of my mouth and the ones that I have to hear. I hate those lies even more that come out of my mind. Sometimes it's the only safe resort - a lie, that is. And even then it makes me awfully uncomfortable. I am awfully uncomfortable right now.
I hate myself more for having told a simple lie than I would hate you if you told me one. No, I'd probably hate you as much. I can look you in the eye and tell a lie, but I still hate myself for it. And I hate what a lie does - the agony it cause me, the heart ache it causes somebody else.
If you could take the truth, I would not bother making up lies. And if you didn't believe my lie to be the truth, I'd probably feel less uncomfortable right now.
Dear God,
I'm writing to you because I want me to continue believing in you like I used to. I know I don't think you're the same person you used to be but I think I'm being so selfish for believing in you when the going was good and for losing my faith when the going isn't so great.
Dear God, I would like you to know that somewhere deep down I still believe you will set everything right for me because I know it's beyond me now. And though I do not remember you as often as I should, I hope you still remember me. I am troubled that thoughts of you don't comes easily to me these days and I wish you would change that at least. If I can't have anything else, can I have you at least by my side?
Several times in a day, a prayer begins to form at my lips but I never send it you because I feel cheap asking for anything other than what you've already given me. You do know what's best for me, don't you? I hope it's just me right now who can't see it. I hope there's a good reason why you're doing this with me.
I cry a lot these days because I'm weak and vulnerable from everything that's happening around me over which I have no apparent control but which affects me in the biggest way possible. But please forgive me for those tears. They are not tears of ingratitude though they may be tears of sorrow.
Help me forget the pain, please. And help me forgive. Because I'm tired of the weight that I carry with me. I feel I am drifting away from the people I love because I'm so bitter inside. Don't take away those people away from me and blame it on me, God; don't blame me for being bitter.
I see the world around me changing. And I feel like a bystander with no part to play in it. Give me a part, God, in my own life.
Love you,
sonal
It happens in the evening, when you come back from college, throw your room keys on the desk and think now what ? What do I do ?
After few moments of pondering you grab a juice or some water and take a sip..After a long day where you are so busy that you dont even notice you are alone, you get so used and adaptive to work that it takes you time to settle down in the calm domesticity of your room.Sometimes my room appears to be someone elses..there's always a differance between how I leave my room while leaving for college in morning and the way I find it in the evening.
The room seems to ask me questions.."Hey, now you dont know how to kill time till sleep knocks on your eye lids? " and I get irritaed not because I dont want to answer rather at my loss of answer.
I switch on my laptop, frisking away from the college mail id and head for the messenger, trying to connect to long lost friends..and then I feel a little secure I am not alone..people are there on the web asking me how am I.
But the worst nightmare is when I dont find anyone there..I feel lost and I feel like a little kid sitting coyly under the table about to be found by her friends in the game of hide and seek.
No wonder why I lose everytime I play this hide and seek
